Remembering Sunday, he Falls to his Knees
by KicktheCJ
Summary: Spencer recalls the one woman who took everything he had and left him with nothing but a broken heart. Explicit content. Spencer ReidxOC. Title from Remembering Sunday by All Time Low.


((I will have Blackbird updated soon! I will have Summer Love updated soon! But in the meantime to make up for my absence here is a one short of apology full of smut because you're all weirdos and I know what you like. Also this is unedited. The title comes from Remembering Sunday by All Time Low))

There are times in Spencer's life where he asked himself if a relationship was a good idea, after all there was never a definite possibility that he would come back unharmed or even alive. The beat of his heart was taken for granted more often than was allowed; the blood in his veins could spill any second. A broken and selfish initiative told the man with chestnut curls that he deserved a relationship, someone to love him and someone to be there when he returned home the hero most likely to receive a clip around the ear because that's what happened in the movies. Life wasn't like the movies and the prospect of love was as terrifying as he thought of it, the prospect of putting someone in a state where they would constantly worry about him and never know if he would return. Spencer knew he couldn't raise a family; he couldn't be loved in a relationship like that. So he decided for the most part a relationship was not a good idea. That was everyone else's thing.

He was thirty years old and a man nonetheless, like every other human being out there he experienced excitement; he experienced attraction and anger and lust. The dark eyed male wasn't the little angel boy everyone else seemed too look at him as; he was a perfectly well functioning human being, he checked regularly and knew the right signs so if his heart so much as alleviated above its usual rate then the genius would take action. He was healthy and normal, well 'normal,' was not the way to describe anyone in the BAU. But he was sane in the head, so he experienced the same things as everyone else did, including lust, why that would appear as a surprise confused him. Spencer was not as damaged as everyone seemed to think he was.

So it further surprised others to know he had kissed, he had fucked he had made love, he had had a relationship in which he loved another, held their hands, kissed their lips and stomach and thighs. That was what most people did although he was admittedly cautious and squirming about it because the statistics for germ-related diseases started running through his head like a computer scanner and she definitely found that more amusing than she should've. So yeah, it was one girl. He'd had other relationships but not like her she was special, and he wasn't Derek. Sex wasn't his thing, romance was his thing, he read too much and saw to many rape victims for sex to be his thing (And the germ thing, don't forget the germ thing). Didn't mean Spencer didn't enjoy sex because that was **_definitely_** not the case, but he preferred to give gifts and kisses and chocolates.

The first time is always awkward, That's what the doctor was told when he was younger but at this point he had it drilled into his head that he would remain disgusting, awkward and untouched forever anyway so he never cared. But then when he grew out his curls and somehow a jawline that could cut someone when slapping it and suddenly there were girls…everywhere, all over him. And that terrified him, because statistics he could handle, girls he couldn't verify his knowledge on. You can't read up on girls or figure out what they want and need, they were people with minds and decisions and unpredictable mood swings (Much like Hotch, he amusedly thought). So he educated himself the best he could but she…she blew **_everything_** out of the water.

There was no way to explain Rae. She just walked into Spencer's life with a splash of coffee and cake (Literally). He had been in Starbucks with Garcia at the time, on the way to an early start to work before this tall Latino girl with long brunette curls smashes into him and sends him tumbling to the floor. There's a smashed cup of coffee lying ten feet away and he's blabbering statistics about burns whilst she is lying **_on top of him_**. Then she smiles. And Spencer stops talking. He can't talk. There's cake lying next to his face and her smile, **_her smile_** , it's just the most beautiful thing he's ever seen and this, this must be what normal people see in females. This tall glass of hot cocoa stands up with the grace of a swan and the almond eyed boy almost sends her tumbling again as he gets too his feet. Everyone else in the room is torn between laughing and feeling sorry for this awkward tangle of limbs called Spencer Reid, Garcia is laughing but he's not mad at her, he's smiling at the girl who is apologising for spilling the drink all over his new shirt. He just nods.

"My little boy genius is speechless, really I need a name and number just so you can do whatever it is you did, again," The blonde grins, her painted lips pulled into a grin "I hate to interrupt but we have to go," The grin fades into an apologetic half-smile, as if Spencer hasn't just found the first person in his life to cut up his IQ into that of an average male with a slight addiction to the female variety and possibly other drugs. "I'll be outside," With a slight stutter and inability to comprehend the situation, Spencer asked the girl (Who told with that same knee-weakening grin that her name was Rae) for her number and she complied happily.

He was teased constantly about it by the rest of the team when they found out.

Their first date went strangely, for example he was never one to ask much out of a girl on a first date, but Rae seemed to be planning on giving him everything. The beautiful hazel eyed girl explained calmly whilst avoiding eye contact that she had never really had a stable boyfriend, one or two dates that ended with sex and mostly only sex. Spencer was horrified that she had never experienced romance, so he took her to a museum and explained to her every single exhibit without looking at the sheet to her face of wonder. He even memorised the sheet for a new exhibit before recounting it back to her word for word whilst she looked on, stunned.

By the end of the date, they were one of four people left in the museum when she grabbed his hand, he flinched a little and stared at her with wide eyes, thinking mostly about the germs on her hand (And wondering why he hadn't thought of them when she had fallen on top of him) before the profiler looked her in the eyes (and remembered why he hadn't been thinking of germs then) and felt every wonder in that museum shrink in comparison of how plainly beautiful she was.

So he kissed the girl, it seemed rational, his lips met hers and he'd done it before but now he knew why it felt so good, why people got a thrill out of this. His large hands cupped her defined jaw and Rae's lips parted whilst shivers cascaded down Spencer's thin spine, chocolate orbs opened up and ( _germsgermsgerms_ ) the elder came to his senses and stepped back. "Sorry, I should've asked," She kissed him again, just to cease his worries (Why did she make him forget about statistics, why did worrying about disease seem inferior if _she just keeps kissing him like that_?).

It was on the third date, a little too soon yet not soon enough that Spencer found himself tangled in her bedsheets. It wasn't the way you'd think because things got heated fast and she was pressing his hips against his, but our boy genius panicked and spat out that he really could not go through with this. Rae was actually a little miffed because her underwear was damp and her core was throbbing and he was sat there naked looking humiliated and afraid so she took his hand and pulled him to lie down with her, their legs intertwined whilst she was only wearing her thin lace panties. It was actually touching to see him shiver, for him to shy away from the attention as if he had never had it before; it made the brunet woman feel empowered and even she had to admit that felt good. IQ of 187 and eating out the palm of her hand (though admittedly, no other parts of her body).

It was the 10th date when history repeated itself, things were heating up and Spencer's solid member pressed needily against her hip, igniting something animalistic inside of her, his innocent wide eyes and sweat-heavy curls turning a polite young woman into an animal that needed to feed. He backed up a little and she slowed down, feeling his worry through the tender brush of his fingertips. Rae felt as though she needed to reassure the other that this was all ok, it had been three months and they were in a stable (if not slightly hectic) relationship, he could do this if he let go long enough. She tugged up her dress, standing before him in a matching set of lace black underwear, her cocoa coloured eyes beckoning as she took his shaking hand and placed it on her breast, just to listen to his sharp inhale of breath. The woman kissed him again whilst he explored the expanse of her body, finally slipping underneath the thin material to gently graze over her tanned, bare skin, until her hard nipple was pinched between his finger and thumb. Spencer knew mostly how to pleasure a woman, he had read about that much.

The man felt her bra come away at the realisation she had unhooked it, pushing him down onto the bed and straddling his clothed hips. "Why so many layers?" The dark skinned girl would joke as she looked down at him, he would blush and avoid looking at her breasts whilst she all but tore the layers off his body. "We don't have to go all the way Spence," She muttered gently against her pale neck, feeling his pulse under her lips. "I'll show you what to do ok?" He was greatful to say the least as he sat up and watched as she stripped off her thin panties and tights, drilled with lust but also just the need to make this beautiful girl, who was so confident in her body that he himself felt inadequate, feel loved and cared for. "I know you have a germ thing," She asked softly, her hair spilling around the curves of her figure, her thighs straddling his hips whilst her beckoning eyes asked in sultry question "Do you think you'll be ok with this?" Spencer nodded, germs could be washed away…she could not.

For the most part as Rae guided his fingers to her damp folds he was unperturbed, too fascinated by the bliss that crossed her face as she was touched, his nimble fingers dipping inside her pink folds whilst his thumb taunted her clit. He had read about this, though at the time he had found it a disgusting thought to have his fingers inside there. But now, looking up at her as her eyes closed and the most strangely arousing sounds tumbled from her lips, it didn't seem as simple as "fingers go there, thumb goes there, make sure you change direction a little," It was like turning the key to the most complex puzzle in the world. Different combinations, paces, sounds. And the best sound was when she finished and she collapsed forward, head buried in the crook of his neck whilst he watched her gasp for air. "Did I do it right?" He asked gently, because if you're a 25 year old virgin that's usually what you want to know first and then it's "Can I go wash my hands?" And she's not once offended because she **_gets him_** , chuckling and nodding in reply.

"You're beautiful," Spencer reminds her as he walks back in and she's lying back against the crisp white sheets, the sun is setting and the room glows, _she glows_ , and the genius gets in bed and lies beside her, thinking that his Rae must an angel.

They have an 11th date, a 12th date, and 13th date, but then he gets a call at 5PM from her, and she's crying and he's worried. But then she breaks his heart "I don't think this is going to work out Spence," He drops the phone on the floor, tears are in his eyes but really it could've been worse. She could've been killed.

"Why?" The broken hearted man asks, an expression akin to a schoolboy being told his crush hated him crossing his face. He wants to know what went wrong, what he did.

"You're just not my type,"

He spent weeks and months changing himself, trying to be someone else, anyone else, he tried to flirt like Derek, be stern like Hotch, be bubbly like Garcia. In the end his entire team sat him down and explained like concerned parents that there were going to be plenty more fish in the sea. Except she was a dolphin, this big beautiful and intelligent creature that put all the fish in the reef to shame, nothing could ever be her.

So Garcia stalked and tracked down Rae, spoke to her as calmly as she could until she got the truth "Spencer is so innocent, and I'm scared of being the one that corrupts him," It was shockingly simple that the technical analysist actually laughed and shook her head.

"Spencer isn't as innocent as you think, every day they all see death and murder and rape and abuse, if anything Spencer is giving you everything he has because he never wants to be one of them, Spencer has everything for UnSub 101: The brains, the tragic background, the social anxiety, he's more scared of himself than he ever will be of you,"

So in reality, the 14th date was postponed by a month because Rae called Spencer and spoke quietly too him, explaining everything in great detail, or as much detail as one sentence could have. "That's so stupid," And for the first time in the past thirty days, he laughed, and she laughed with him.

The 15th date, Spencer received his very first and very classy blowjob. The entire time of course, he protested that she could catch so many germs and illnesses (She had mastered how to block him out) and then she introduced her tongue and he honestly forgot what coherency was (She got to see him the way he had seen her- head thrown back with his curls matted deliciously, eyes closed, jaw taunt and muscles flexing demandingly. She wished she could see that on a sempiternal loop).

Date 16th he gave in, or rather gave everything. In fact he initiated it for the first time. His lips pressing hers and then bruises into her pale skin, all teeth and tongue and lust. It felt strange to be driven by irrationality, he was a rational person. But it was his hands that slipped with little guidance down her thighs, he loved to be under her, he liked to watch her whilst she moved and moaned and sighed. Her skin glittering in the half-light, her lips parted in ecstasy. She complained a little at first, but when there came a certain point she was mostly writhing with want; she also loved him under her, Rae loved to feel empowered, and a genius with an IQ of 187 was merciless underneath her (If that wasn't power then what was?).

The next time in one night it was lazier, they moved tiredly as if every movement was strenuous and drawn out, little muffled sounds filling the room until they reached their climaxes and lay very still, falling asleep after Spencer had pulled out, Rae tucked under his arm. Thankful for his photographic memory as he images of the other burnt into his eyelids.

Good things don't last forever. Spencer was called out on a job the very next morning and left Rae a note of apology and money for a cooked breakfast whilst hissing in the agony that his tight muscles were feeling, his back ached and so did his arms whilst his eyes just appeared tired. Little bruises decorated his lightly coloured skin from where her mouth had made good use of the skin on his neck, his bruises lips a good enough indicator of what had happened the previous night. But the genius fell asleep on the plane, oblivious to the taunts and teasing around him.

When he returned, Rae was angry, which was mostly unfair because he hadn't done anything actually wrong, he left for his job which paid for his bills and his life and her engagement ring (Which might have spilled out of his mouth as he shouted this at her). She had been stunned and he went bright red, this was becoming a repetitive dynamic between them.

When Spencer slipped the ring on her finger, he found a smile tugging at his dark red lips and the promise he would take her out for a nice dinner but all she really wanted was him and that was understandable as he was being pushed between the sheets. Afterwards when she was fast asleep, he stared at the ring with a distant smile, absorbed in his own little world

He remembered a time where she wanted to have fun, his hands were pressed down and everything was rough and wild and dark. His wrists bound and hips pressing up whilst she instructed him what to do, it was a year since the first time he had touched her, but it reminded him of that time. And the fact that she was in charge always, his intelligence was no match for her. It was just fucking, but he still felt the love in her every touch, like it made him feel more pure with every brush of her fingertips.

But the last time they made love, Spencer remembered distinctly that he had felt something was wrong. She seemed distracted and distant and although he would find out the next day why, at the time he had figured she was just not feeling too well. Every five minutes he reminded her she could stop, and asked her if she felt ok, but Rae would only insist they kept going.

"I've met someone," those words were the last words he expected to hear, they were in love or at least…he loved her. But those words came from her lips, all the apologies in the world could not stop how inadequate, how ridiculously alone he felt in that moment, holding his ring in his hand that was meant to be on her's. "His name's Jaden…he…I'm sorry we…" But Spencer didn't want to hear anymore, he walked out of the apartment that had never officially became there but mostly had become theirs and walked until he collapsed on the streets from exhaustion. It was Derek that picked him up, who got the story through tears and screams and agony. It was Derek who was consumed with pity and anger and called Garcia and Garcia who was overwhelmingly sympathetic.

When he walked into work the next day, everyone was silent. Hotch called him into his office and asked him if he was ok, "No," He replied, and he wasn't, he didn't think he ever would be with that ring on a chain around his neck. She had completed him, but now he felt broken. She had every right to move on, he was sure, but did she have to do it so suddenly, did she have to do everything that had been special too them with another man?

Hotch ordered he had some time to collect himself, and Spencer found himself sitting alone (with other people moving around him) on the floor in front of that new exhibit, the one that had been new the night they came here for their first date. Staring at the ring, he glanced at the writing as let a tear fall, his hands trembling as he swallowed dejectedly, his favourite place in the world had become so dead and empty too him, this museum that he had loved since childhood was a relic, holding another monument that no-one else could see. An exhibit of their love and his heart lying in the "Ancient History," section.


End file.
